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Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
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11:00 pm - Linguistically disgusted
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I hate this language. Suddenly, favoring a leg after a sports injury can now mean that you walk more on that one, or on the other one. This is bullshit. Nothing means anything anymore. Just think of all the things that can mean its own exact opposite. I'm not talking about the obvious and celebrated "inflammable." I'm talking about things like "resign." In sports, you can quit when your contract ends, or you can resign (as in, re-sign) with your team. Or you can resign and tell them to fuck themselves. And sanctioning something! If an action is sanctioned by the UN, it usually means that they didn't put sanctions on it. Shelled nuts? It means they do and do not have shells.
When somebody calls a picture "the older one," do they mean that they're older in the photo (making it the newer one) or the one that was taken longer ago, making them younger in it? When people strike, sometimes it means they do something, and sometimes it means they intentionally do nothing. If something is lost to your enemy, does it mean that you have it, or he has it? This is just a matter of people using an expression they don't understand, so often that it loses its meaning, but when something is all but ruined...is it ruined? Most of the time, when people say it, that's what they mean. The English-speaking masses need to be put in lots of pain for their offenses.
People just don't think about what they're saying. People use the phrase "went off" to describe something that activated, or something that deactivated. And if you have outstanding test results, did you ace it, or did you just plain not turn one in? If someone asks you about your AIDS test, and you say that the results were positive...DO YOU HAVE AIDS? Also, do the rest of you have AIDS? I'm trying to keep track of who does and does not, in case I suddenly need to take a cross-country road trip, and somebody needs to be loved up.
Speaking of that, how about ascending order? That can often mean that you're starting at the largest number and counting down. Craziness.
Some terms just sound too much like each other. Some, when spoken out loud, are each other. Doctor Dave says that those are homophones, which are not to be confused with homonyms, which are spelled the same. They're also not to be confused with homo phones, which have been getting heavily advertised lately, usually by hand models demonstrating the functionality of simulated screens based on nonexistent data transfer rates. Like when you rid yourself of or use something, you exorcise or exercise something. When you raze something, you burn it into uselessness and cackle madly while it crumbles (if you're doing it right), but when you raise something, you bring it back, or build it up. If someone asks you to resend something, you'd better not rescind it instead. Theoretically, there should be a subtle difference in pronouncing those, but that's the thing about theory.
Some words just got lost to intellectual laziness. People don't know what a beeline is anymore, but they still use the word. And I have to believe that people did that with "oversexed." Shouldn't that mean you're getting too much?
Oh. Since we're on the subject, when you say something like "He wasn't able to give her what she wanted in a relationship. Read: impotent," it's pronounced in the past tense, like "red." I don't see how people are trying to get it to make sense if they're pronouncing it in the way that rhymes with "breed." It's not a command for someone to read something (though we could use a few of those here and there), it means "This is how it is read." Although now that I've mentioned that, I should express how much I hate the way letters just get chopped off when people drop words into the conjugation fan. "Pronounciation." Was it too hard to put the "u" on there, fellas? Did you have a hard time in school, necessitating that you make things more complicated for future generations? I've given up correcting misspellings that make more sense.
[EDIT] I had to come back and confess that if I was ever working with a twisting tool (pliers, wrench, ratchet, tire iron, etc) and you told me to turn something to the right (or to the left), I wanted to punch you. There is no "to the right" or "to the left" when you're turning something in a circle. I'm a loving guy, which is why you didn't get punched.
TOPIC CHANGE.
Batman: Arkham Asylum. It's as good as they say it is. They even got the actors from the animated series. It's good to hear Luke Skywalker as the Joker again. And it's surprisingly respectable to hear Kevin Conroy playing Batman a different way. There's a lot less character to the voice in the video game, which matches the suit and colors much better. It was a choice that could have turned out horribly, and I'm glad to see that it didn't.
I now share with you a line from my book.
"I swear, if crazy were gold, we could just cut out the violence and use you to buy the whole damned continent."
Line subject to change, based on edits.
Oh, and keep in mind that if you stopped what you were doing right now, went to a vocal coach, studied for the rest of your natural life, and tried as hard as you could, and really applied yourself, and went about it intelligently, and took the most rewarding risks, and if they paid off in spades, and if you learned new things about yourself that you never imagined, and found a talent buried within you beyond your imagination, and if you nurtured it, polished it, and refined it until the end of days...
...you still wouldn't be as good as a woman named Floor. (link goes to a video, she pwnz j00 at 3:39) When the shit starts flying, words start getting thrown around, and a sista gotta whip out some vocals to put people in their place, you don't want to mess with someone who's capable of melting your brain. I lost a lot of respect for my favorite singers much earlier in the year, when I found out what this one was capable of. Fuck After Forever for not using her properly in more than a couple of songs. Annie Lennox may be able to open her mouth and knock you on your ass, Mary Fahl may be able to pick up any note she finds lying on the ground and kick your ass with it, but they're not bionic (re: 4:22-4:57).
Sheeeet.
Lastly, why does nobody in this overused genre ever think of this?
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| Thursday, November 12th, 2009
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8:57 pm - It's time
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( Trimmed for people who don't give a frick about video games )
I miss askaninja.com. They haven't been producing lately. They're expanding, so, y'know, good for them, but I wants me my videos. Also, CreativeJuices7 is still dead in the water, and it's been what, nine months? No word at all. I can't even find anything in the forums to suggest that the owners are still alive. This, and how long it's been since a new Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged episode has come out...it's just horrible. I feel empty and abandoned. COME BACK, GUYS. *sniff*
At least I still have My First Dictionary. Yes, start at the first. It's more of a journey that way.
Also, try www.survivingtheworld.net (really good stuff in there) and www.itmademyday.com . These are both full of positive. Not like this post so far, which is full of negative.
In the last video for AskANinja.com, somebody asked where ninjas come from. The answer was utterly perfect. "Out of nowhere." Glorious. It doesn't make up for the wait, but it almost made me weep with its gorgeous simplicity. Almost as perfect as when I was at Hometown Buffet and I asked my (think I'm getting the age right) seven-year-old sister how the potatoes were, because I was thinking of getting some myself. She made a face and said "Instant." Never in my life had a question and all conceivable follow-up questions been so completely answered, and she did it in one word. That's the definition of poetry. Also, wit. Also, genius. Depends on whose proverbs you prefer.
That reminds me, I'm Dead And It's All My Fault is also full of super. Not quite as positive, but funny in an almost-clean way, and not directly hateful. Start as far back as you can. It might not feel like a journey, but it totally is.
Yes, this has turned into Linkathon '09. I'll stop now.
Now I'm going to ask for a little bit of audience participation here...
I have devised a word! This word is VAGENIE. I need you all to tell me what you think it should mean. I do this for you. Because I love you. Alright, everyone, I've been meandering around this for long enough, and it's time for me to finally ask...WILL ALL OF YOU MARRY ME? Allie won't mind. She knows she'll always be my first wife, because she alone wields the power of a vagenie.
Oh, hey, that reminds me. ASHREIGH. I am willing to make this concession to you: If you come to California and marry me, you will get to have a large, SUV-or-larger vehicle. Anybody else would be DENIED. Grounds for a DIVOASIN'. But you? You're special.
Crap, I just remembered that rule. The First Wife gets any and all priveleges afforded to any other wife. 'cause she's special. Fine then, just you and Allie.
Behold my mighty sudden change of topic. Here are the rest of the RPG quotes. ( Clickity. )
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| Thursday, November 5th, 2009
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11:29 pm
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Forgive the typos, it is late.
Real quick: People who make commercials for cellphones either need to take a different approach to their products, or die. Either way, this needs to stop. Nobody in the history of the universe has ever seriously referred to their cell as their "wireless." Just. Call it. A cellphone. Or a cell. Why is it that so many companies have this blind spot to their customers? What is with this love affair with the word? It was functionally the exact same word as "cordless" until people fell under the illusion that a cord and a wire are different in the context of phones. This is the word that they're clinging to in the face of all business logic?
Speaking of which: "Bath Tissue." Seriously? Who put any thought into the construction fo that term? Let's not get into how I feel about the people who need to disassociate the idea of wiping their asses (and other things) with the word "toilet." "I will drag this fabric over my anus and remove the particles and smears of fecal matter, but for the love of God, don't make me use the t-word. I'd much rather think about a bath. Oh, even better, a puppy! I like kitties! Hey, can we call these kitty sheets? I like that much better. I'm going to drop by Target and pick up some kitty sheets. While we're at it, can we stop calling it a toilet? Can we get a French word? Wait, it IS French? Well, let's get a better one."
Okay, rant over.
I remain as militantly anti-take'n'bake as ever. The business model of Papa Murphy's remains baffling to me. Don't tell me there aren't better pizzas out there for the same amount of money in the frozen foods section of the average grocery store. If I pay someone for pizza-related labor, they're not going to go through the trouble of bringing it to me, or even operating an oven? This is a despicable corruption of the I-give-you-money-you-give-me-pizza tradition.
I'm finally getting to RPG quotes. Bear in mind that we're usually decently tired when these get logged. Also, keep in mind that most of these are less hilarious out of context. Case in point, the first one.
"How much are you going to drink?"
"Enough to where I stop feeling lousy."
See, if you didn't know that he'd been poisoned, and I was asking him how much anti-poison stuff he was going to drink, that wouldn't be as funny. More as follows.
A mystical voice arises outside the lair of the Seer...
"What is your name?"
"I am Mickey the Monkey Wrench, Fucker-Upper of People's Shit!"
"What is your function?"
"I fuck that shit ALL THE WAY UP."
"What is your purpose here?"
"I'll give you two guesses. But hurry it up, time's a-wastin'."
"We've only had time to break a window and throw a badger out of it."
"Apparently, I'm some sort of mystical monkey god with powers I didn't even know."
"When the monsters come to raid your town and eat your children, you can use these weapons to kill them! ...I mean the monsters, not the children."
"That's what happens when you leave things in things...they stay there."
"I'm not going over there and just taking that. I'm not a thief."
"Says the guy with 'some guy's wallet' written in his inventory."
"I think they should invent a ring of protection from child molesters."
"I'm pretty sure they call that herpes."
"You realize these spiders are about as big as your head, right?"
"Those are the tasty kind!"
"You shouldn't have slept with that guy!"
"Well, Greg was wounded, and we didn't have the money to get him healed!"
"YES WE DID."
"Well, now we can afford it again. See if you can get injured around a cuter priest."
"Okay. I'm going to shoot at the owlbears."
"Alright. Are you going to aim for anything in particular?"
"Yes. The owlbears."
"What do I see?"
"To the left, there are worgs, who are eating your henchman."
"What else is there?"
"Hey guys, I think I found a clue!"
"Jinkies!"
"Ew! This pencil smells like...pencil!"
"It takes a special kind of audacity to be surprised by that."
"Sure, I know a little bit about him. And for fifty gold, I'll know a little more."
"That doesn't make sense. I've had plenty of gold, and it didn't make me any smarter."
"I can tell."
"I don't think my brother wants me sleeping with anyone else."
"This is your own trial. You must face this alone. But do come back and let us know how it went."
"Where would you find a closet?"
"In houses, where closets live!"
"Us try find invisible bag that way."
"We didn't see any invisible bags."
"Hey, this not feel like bag!"
"But does it feel like invisible bag?"
"I thought you were a virgin!"
"No, I'm not! That's how we have a priest!"
"Baku has trained the mounts to hate. He brought them to the dark side of the horse."
The party opens the door to the room of the man they want to get to identify their items. They ask him "Are you the loremaster?" He peers at the one who speaks, and says "Are you the gatekeeper?"
"What's the cinder block for?"
"In case I'm a dick."
(This may or may not be better in context...anybody remember what the lead-up was?)
"Say...you're pretty cute."
"Er, no thanks, I have a...uh...brother."
"So you're going to go through and kill all the evil people? Sure, we'll tag along. That's fun for the whole alignment spectrum."
"Logic? I think you'll find that pointless. Just go with it. We do."
"Any idea where the dragons went?"
"You mean the ice dragons? Yeah. Toward the snow."
"Why am I getting wet?"
"Because you let somebody eat your tacos."
(believe it or not, this one had a non-perverted origin)
"Oh come on, you're saying you don't have value, like you're not worth anything?"
"Not me! I know what I'm worth!"
"Nothing, that's what we paid for you."
"I think those guys were priests of a dark god!"
"Which one?"
"Both of them."
"Okay. I set the beached boat on fire."
"The spiders inside begin fleeing for their lives, some on fire, some not. They jump around, run onto the sand, and panic. After the fire grows higher and covers the person-sized hole you made where you found the webs inside, you begin to hear a screaming from the back of the ship."
"Like, a person screaming?"
"Yes, like a person screaming."
"Is the fire back there yet?"
"It sure is."
"Aw, crap, we have to save him."
"Whoa, whoa guys...says who?"
"He's going to burn to death."
"Well, he should have thought of that before he got on a boat full of flaming spiders."
That does it for page one. Page two later. I don't want this post to go supernova.
current mood:  tired
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| Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
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8:58 pm - Just for the posting's sake.
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I said I was going to post more often, and I may be sacrificing quality to do so, but I'm going to make myself stick to this. I used to just let thoughts pile up, with the intention of posting them "eventually," but I misjudged my own capacity to recognize an opportunity to make it really happen. So here are some more scattered thoughts. P'raps later I will get going into some actual story-like situations, but that all depends on me not being creativity-taxed to death.
Not running a game last weekend might have helped with that. My tabletop game meets every two weeks (usually), conforming to the schedule of Senor Greg. This happens partially because the party runs off and does things without him that they, as they're doing it, acknowledge as being wholeheartedly stupid. Also, he's the only original character who has been at more than half the sessions who still shows up for the game, which, I'm not sure if he realizes, will land him some nifty in-game benefits, and give him much, much more lenience as far as going out of my way to avoid killing him. I try not to just throw my arms up and say "Okay, you finally did it, there's no way for the party to win now, the game is done," but if we don't have any original characters, I'm not really going to have a choice. I told people at the beginning to stick with their original characters. It was sorta important to the plot. Tracy was going to be the only other one to reap the benefits, and now that she has a new girlfriend, and is likely falling into some even less respectable habits, I'm almost able to count her out entirely. It sucks.
Big up to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jelarin for being our stenographer. She scores big points for it, too. It's cool to be able to go back and read what was happening a year ago. Some of it is outright incorrect (miscommunications do happen), but since it's in character, there are bound to be discrepancies. You'd all have access to the log of what's going on, but I don't think she has an LJ for her Corlana character. The more we play, and the more I write, the more worried I get about how similar she is to a character in my second book, which is at page 647 now. Since I haven't put page breaks between chapters, I could call it longer, but since I put a space between each paragraph for easier on-screen reading, I could also call it much shorter.
There's a very dirty joke to make there, but I don't want to make the two people reading it as I write it feel grossed out.
It weird. About halfway through my first book, I gained two readers. Same thing happened for the second one. I wonder if they'll just plain not read the next one I write, like my last two, those not-readin'-my-crap bastiches.
I had a lot of fun playing The Force: Unleashed. Same for Heavenly Sword. Both were solid games that took a lot of getting used to in order to understand what went into them. Both had stories that were much better than I anticipated, and TF:U (hehe...the eff you) actually had a canonically-sound story that did not make me roll my eyes. The premise annoyed me, but there was enough in there to earn my forgiveness. Some of you may know how hard that can be. Heavenly Sword, though, was actually worthy of the term "fantastic" when describing its execution. Aside from the little hanging scene that was promptly ignored in-game, it was more than just entertaining, it was well-written and fun to watch. Not just the FMV, but the game as well. That puts it a step above Metal Gear: Solid 4, which, while decently engaging, was full of cut scenes that were overly long, hackneyed, and, at times, outright pretarded. We forgive it, because it makes sense of the other games. It sounded impossible, but they managed to excuse some of what went on earlier. Still no excuse for having Cam Clarke do the voice for Liquid Snake. I've been a hater of his since the onset of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles animated series. The first one.
That paragraph was meant to be about love. I've played some really good games lately. Dead Space never got terrible. A little predictable in spots, sure, but always fun. Bless Gamefly. Bless it so much.
Apparently, Cold Stone (Coldstone?) does indeed have rigglar ice cream. I say "apparently" because I was just told.
Cassie was totally right about Leaves' Eyes. Awesome band, once you're acclimated. Hits and misses, of course, but that's a given with any band. Njord captures (almost perfectly) the feeling I wanted for Vanek Kell-Hath. It might replace Reise Reise as his intented entrance theme.
I'm totally gay for the song "The Kill" by Thirty Seconds To Mars. They strike me as a band that exists to produce a single really cool song, and then vanish. This one is it. It's one of the few that's much more fun to listen to than to play on Rock Band. I'm just jazzed that they released the best of Queen for the game. Somebody To Love? Yes plz. I Want It All? Gimme! Under Pressure? For the love of God, yes. Bohemian Rhapsody? Not available. Not a bad call on their part. It wouldn't lend itself well to the game.
Now for that freefloating aggression:
There is no argument to justify having a program put saved games and character profiles in the "My Documents" folder. I'm not talking about there NOT BEING A WAY TO CHANGE THAT, I'm not talking about how THEY ASK YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO INSTALL THE GAME AND THEN PUT YOUR FILES SOMEWHERE ELSE. I'm talking about the idiots who somehow think there's a benefit. If you're fucking around with your profile to the point where where you need to go to My Documents/Black Isle Studios/Fallout 3 for your convenience because you have to alter those so often, how do you not know how to make a link to your own program files? If you mess around in there, why do you need a new folder for every game you install popping up to clutter up your folder? If you have ever argued for that behavior, you need to have the direction of your knee reversed with a tire iron. You're an idiot. There is no valid argument. Even if you later said "Oh, I see your point. That really is kinda dumb," that tire iron thing still applies. Think before you speak. Don't make me track you down for being a moron.
Speaking of being a moron, does anybody know why there are people who intentionally hang toilet paper so that it falls away from the person who needs to use it? I mean, I know there's not a good one, but has anyone had this conversation with someone who tried to put forth something that they thought was a valid argument?
H1N1 is called a pandemic now. "Epidemic" is officially phased out, I guess. Greg, don't start with that. You know as well as I do that this is due to media-driven hype. Search your feelings, Jeff-effah
Like Adam said to Eve, this thing got way longer than I'd anticipated.
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| Sunday, October 25th, 2009
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2:29 pm - Ducked it.
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That's right, I had a hugely eventful series of months, and said nothing about it. And I'm not gonna. Neener neener. I got this LJ partially to have a place where I could discuss an event, and therefore not have to tell everybody I know the details about it, and why I didn't do this instead of that. Because you guys know you love to do that. I'm actually thinking about carrying pamphlets around with me to shorten the amount of time having the same conversation with everybody I meet. Why don't you have a girlfriend? Why aren't you in college? Why don't you eat regular food? Each one of these conversations has turned into a Dave-centered accusation-fest every single time I've had them. Hatin' it. So this LJ was supposed to fix things like that, but as it turns out, getting people to read it was a failing effort. It would be one thing if I said "Go to www.DreamWorkssucks.reasonsofdave.com" and they said "meh, that sounds like too much reading" and dropped the subject, but no, they're curious enough to bug me, but not curious enough to read anything.
Now, it's not that I've been avoiding this thing, I just haven't felt the urge to share any of my thoughts. It might be related to how many people are giving me the impression that they just plain don't read anymore.
Scattered thoughts:
Have you ever found yourself avoiding a conversation with somebody because you know that half the things you're about to say, you're going to have to immediately repeat?
Am I the only one who notices (and fucking hates) how often people will repeat out loud the last thing somebody said?
Any time you ever see anybody playing a video game on TV or in a movie, that is not how anybody plays video games. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're part of the problem.
Any argument centered around the sanctity of marriage is a stupid one. I've been tiptoeing around that one, but if anybody brings it up, it's a clear indication that the person doesn't think about what they're saying.
It is always improper to refer to a person as "they," but nobody gives a shit. It's like ending a sentence with a preposition. Even I, the gramer Nazi, am unable to dig into my pile of rat's asses and finding two worth committing to it.
Internet Explorer is now officially too slow for me. I'm going to start leaning on Google Chrome again, and its bookmark difficulties will just be a surmountable hurdle.
I got something at Coldstone (Cold Stone?) without realizing it was yogurt. It took me a few bites to place it. Is it all like that? I'm too lazy to check, and besides, sometimes wondering is more fun than knowing.
Bo Burnham is my new favorite comedian.
I haven't caught the first episode yet, but I have the feeling Jeff Dunham's show (comedians enjoy having ham in their name) is going to suck.
Zombieland did not suck. It was pretty consistently entertaining.
I so profoundly do not care about collecting trophies in PS3 games.
The way Microsoft produces is poisonous to the gaming industry. Treating intellectual property like office equipment and putting developers under strict time frames is ruining games. Putting a business man at the head of a game company is like putting an accountant in charge of a choir.
Also, you don't hear PS3 owners complaining about their games crashing. You don't hear them complaining about anything. It's hard enough to find a PS3 owner.
I am woefully behind on my Strong Bad. Like, months. Has it gotten bad? Can anyone tell me?
I don't miss Amber. I just miss having a girlfriend.
Dethklok's new album is more solid overall than their last one, but has fewer songs that are good to listen to by themselves. Interesting tradeoff. I'm going to see them with my sister on the 21st of November. DON'T LET ME DOWN.
Dead Space is a conceptually solid game (so far). The story works perfectly for the genre and the platform. One complaint: Knock it off with the flamethrower ammo. I use a real gun. One that hurts my enemies. Thanks. Oh, and the outfit could stand to look a little bit less like Lord Zedd from Power Rangers.
I almost bought GTA 4 for the PS3. Then I remembered that I own it on PC. I just wish they didn't require you to have A GODDAMNED GIGABYTE OF RAM on just your VIDEO CARD in order to use the higher texture pack. wtF? This was like a year ago, and they still don't make good cards like that for under a hundred fifty. And before you mention anything about what ATI is doing, notice that I said "good."
I was unaware that Dollhouse was such a phenomenon among everybody I've ever met. I heard it just wasn't what people were looking for. This bears investigation.
Does anybody else find it stupid when Darth Vader says "What is thy bidding, my master?" Where does "thy" come into it? It's a location/period specific word. That also reminds me of why I lost faith in the Star Wars books...I can't remember who it was, but somebody was sipping on a cup of a curious beverage, and he/she was asked about it. The answer was a small smile, and a mention of something called "hot chocolate," picked up on a tiny little planet called Earth. Apparently "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away" gets overwritten for cheap fan service. If you know anything about George Lucas, you know he's wholeheartedly against any kind of service to the fans.
[EDIT]
I ran into this email a while ago, and I decided that if I ever made an LJ post again, this would be in it. I actually sent this to someone.
"Also, a few minutes ago, a spider came down on my monitor. He seemed a little frustrated by the staticky glass in front, but I took my eyes off of him for a second to talk to someone else, and when I looked again, he was gone. He didn't go back up to the ceiling, he wasn't anywhere around my monitor, and he didn't climb onto me. He was just gone. He must have been a phase spider, and those usually have at least 40 hit points, so I might be in trouble. Get 5000 GP worth of gems ready in case I need a cleric."
[FURTHER EDIT]
How is it that there was a petition to stop Uwe Boll, but not one for Michael Bay?
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| Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
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12:19 pm - I link you again. It's how I do things.
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This is the best misheard lyrics video I've ever seen in my life. I propose that it is unable to be topped.
Also, if you haven't seen this, you are not my friend. Look up the lyrics some time, and you will find that it's just as hilarious in print.
current music: The second link. Again.
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| Thursday, May 28th, 2009
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7:16 pm - Fascinating.
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( Here's the thing )
Fun fact! Burger King hambugers in my area are 89 cents. A double hambuger? $2.50. I order two burgers and hand the buns and wrapper for one of them right back over the counter.
RPG Quotes:
(important note...most of these are intended to be taken out of context)
"Why can't we pee in the river?" "Because then the gorillas would drown."
"If it's not glass, then I don't want it for my fetus."
"She's not here. She could have showed them her feces."
"We'd get the horses pregnant one at a time."
"They're highly potent focal points of magic and chaos rolled up into a tiny little...bitch."
"I could not recommend a competitor. I'm sure you understand." "Actually, I couldn't understand. You're kind of French."
"That's why it's fun to kill people. Cute has nothing to do with it."
"It will be a long way. Especially since you lost your horses." "Neigh!"
"That horse is gonna die in a knife fight."
"What did she die from?" "Murder."
"I told them to get more ballistas!" "They were busy building walls to put the ballistas on." "Walls don't work on dragons!"
"What happened to her?" "She tried to chop down a treant." "Why?" "She...wanted to make a canoe."
"Where will you be aiming?" "I dunno...I want him to die and leave me alone." "Ah, the 'die and leave me alone' shot...that's tricky."
"You know what? The gorilla fetus is cute."
"If that thing were smart, it would be catching the arrows." "It IS catching the arrows."
"Neckra, would you like to destroy Baku's monkey?" "No way, you stay away from my monkey!" "But mine's all used up!"
"She's just a big ol' softy on the inside." "Yep. Reeeeaaaal squishy." "Yes, but she's sharp and pointy on the outside, which is what we keep her around for."
"How much are you gonna drink?" "Enough to where I stop feeling lousy."
"Apparently I'm some sort of mystical monkey god with powers I didn't even know."
"We've only had time to break a window and throw a badger out of it."
"I know a bit, but for fifty gp, I'll know a little more." "That doesn't make sense. I've had plenty of money, and it didn't make me any smarter." "Yes, I can tell."
"When the monsters come to raid your town and eat your children, you can use these weapons to kill them! ...the monsters, not the children."
"I think those guys were priests of a dark god." "Which one?" "Both of them."
"I'm not a thief!" "Says the guy with 'some guy's wallet' written in his inventory."
"I'll shoot the owlbears." "Are you going to aim for anything in specific?" "Yes. The owlbears."
current mood:  amused
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(12 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 30th, 2009
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7:32 pm - Reboot
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Dave had to restart. I had too many system-draining programs going at once. Some data may have been lost, but things are running much more smoothly now. Whew. (FYI: If we don't talk anymore, I've prob'ly deleted you from a few things. I'm pretty sure it didn't affect anybody who reads this thing.)
Book number two is at about page 525. I haven't made a whole lot of progress lately, but I'm really happy about the quality of the progress. I love my characters to death, and I hate what I'm about to do to them. I'm a bastard.
I actually heard Rammstein's "Reise Reise" on the radio a little bit ago. I was shocked. It turns out the college has a legitimate station that's relayed through the local high schools, and they actually do play non-top-twenty songs. Oh, the wild stuff I've heard.
I want to mention that the art of blowing a person's mind isn't about intelligence, it's about a new take on old perspectives, things that have settled long enough to be taken for granted. I was humbled and thrilled to be knocked on my ass by a compelling and staggering new theory that will forever change the way I see a movie.
It's going to be a great year for music. Rammstein, Epica, Amberian Dawn, Steve Burns, and Lacuna Coil all have albums coming out (Epica's coming out with TWO, Dido's is already out, and I think I'm forgetting someone important). I'm a little giddy. This will rock. It so will.
Dimitri and Jess still have my books. I fear I shall never have them back.
One more Ask Doctor Dave, then I rest.
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Dear Doctor Dave
You are sooo awesome. Why can't all men be like you? You know how to talk to a lady. Guys seem to have a hard time really expressing themselves, but that's makes you who you are!
Like I went out with this guy, and he paid for my meal which was sweet, and he opened the door for me and everything, but all he would do is talk about himself, you know, didn't get to know me. And worse, I could see through his shirt, he had bacne! EW! Is there anything worse than that?
Laura in WI
Dear Laura
Thank you for your kind words. To answer your question, there are two things worse than bacne, and I hope you didn't have to experience them:
1. Cracne
2. Sacne
May you never find either.
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Big love goes out to anybody who still reads this damned thing.
current mood:  okay
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| Sunday, February 15th, 2009
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11:29 am - Don't read this.
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| Sunday, February 8th, 2009
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9:38 am - Gah
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Annoying dream last night. I was trying to use a free-access computer with a small movie-theater-sized monitor to look something up on Yahoo (of all things), and for some reason, the computer had no problem with the www part, but it couldn't type Yahoo. I diagnosed the strange-as-hell keyboard/mouse plugs (like an N64 power plug with the actual wires in the middle, and decide that the problem wast he keyboard. I was going to go into the control panel to open up the accessibility options and pull up the on-screen, point-and-click keyboard, but apparently I had to minimize a zillion other things first, despite that I only had one program open. It was frustrating. I think I got through twelve minimizations before I woke up. That was my brain trying to prevent me from understanding that the part of the brain that actually handles letters doesn't work in dreams, but I didn't understand that it was a dream, otherwise I'd have been trying to sue that to my advantage (and failing). The weird thing is, I remember very distinctly the finger-pointing patterns of typing Yahoo.c (because I would get that far before realizing that it wasn't working), even if it came out Yclbb. Those B's stand out very clearly in my memory.
Computers have been pretty prominent in my dreams lately. I often dream that I'm trying to get use out of very obsolete compies at work, switching files from hard drives to those huge old-style black floppy disks in order to make it happen. Other times, I dream I'm being moved to a different, slightly less awesome computer and I have to wonder what I'm allowed to do on it and not allowed to do, and what will happen to my old files. Strangely, this new style of dream does not dishearten me a bit. Showing up at school late on the first day, with no idea which classes to go to, or suddenly realizing that I've been signed up for a class that I haven't been going to for the last several months, those were annoying. Especially when it's for high school, and the first thing that happens when I leave school is realize that my car's been stolen or broken into. In high school.
After reading about ingrown hairs, I've decided to stop tweezing my nipple hairs. Just thought you should all know that.
And I've decided that if you've experimented with any drug, at all, you have no right to criticize full-blown junkies. They experimented too, and just had better results than you. They had the experience you were going for. That's what experimenting is, finding out how much you want this new thing in your life, whether it's homosexual activity, drugs, or autoerotic asphyxiation. You openly and knowingly took the risk that you were going to enjoy something to the exclusion of all other things, especially if it was a chemically mind-altering substance you were experimenting with. I'm not speaking out against people who do any of that, I'm just trying to turn off those hypocrisy faucets. Don't be a hater if you once looked down that road and said "Hmmm...maybe." On those last two, don't be a hater at all. Then again, I'm not thinking that any of my readers are concerned with what gender drops your pachinko balls, so it was kind of pointless to say that. Sirrah, sirrah. I just know that I got unwisely addicted to this chick down south, whose silence is making me behave rashleigh.
And so it can be said, yes, I'm getting the mandatory two days off per month, with the corresponding ten percent pay cut that's hitting the California state employees so far. We don't know whether more cuts are coming, because the governor has been able to exert almost no control at all over the legislature or the heads of many of his departments.
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| Monday, January 26th, 2009
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9:59 pm - For the love of things that are not crap
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For those of you who have seen this,
I humbly present the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. You have to stick with this until the very, very end to suddenly burst out into spontaneous, uncontrollable laughter like I did. And those of you who know me know that I don't do that.
For those of you who haven't seen these, bear with them. Just go with it. They're worth it. I know, I'm just posting a bunch of links lately. But I'm increasing the hilarity in your life. Just ask my mother.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, January 9th, 2009
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8:35 pm
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I spent all last night being approximate as sick as death. I won't claim to have been sicker than death, but it was pretty harrowing.
This has been an extremely depressing winter for most people in my life. Fights with the boi/girfran, breakups, job losses, house losses, career pressures, school troubles, and, for me, this blip right in front of my left eye that renews every time I blink, ever since this afternoon. Man, do I hope it's not permanent. At least this winter smells nice. There's been a burning-cedar scent that rises through downtown Sacramento a few times per week, and really makes it easier to deal with the fact that I'm at work before the sun rises and out of work after it sets. It's kicking my sleep patterns where they don't like to get kicked.
I'm scrambling to get this promotion that I'm eligible for, but it involves jumping ship to another department, and there's a lot of paperwork involved in that. The applications I put out are being lost in those of the people who have already been working in that classification, so I guess I can say I'm being pretty well affected by the economic downturn, too. If those manpower cutbacks are put into place, things might get even less comfortable, since I've only been in state service two and a half years, and I'm not sure how close to that bottom ten percent I am in terms of tenure.
In other news, I am completely head over heels, balls-to-the-wall in love with my second book. The first one can officially go fuck itself (but keep with the feedback, 'Mitro). I've been churning out a couple of thirtyish-page chapters a month, and feeling really good about it.
I know, this is the second time in a row I've posted something pet-related, but someone sent me this and I felt it was mostly spot-on. Typos are left in for artistic purposes. Also, because I'm lazy, and over the last few months, I've found that I hate correcting typos.
( The ten commandments from a dog's point of view )
I'm going to see Avenue Q with my sister in March. I'll let you all know how that turns out. Apparently, seeing the show will help you understand what the internet is for.
I'm going to add this to the freaky shit pile: http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/24 Erin posted this on her blargh, and it's the kind of thing that you just can't look away from. There's "I'm into art" and then there's the kind of people who do this. Even the people who swing from hooks embedded in their flesh cannot hope to be this hardcore about art.
Today's big love goes to Ash, in hopes that it will get her to email me back quicker.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, December 15th, 2008
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3:52 pm - Just do this one thing for me
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| Sunday, December 7th, 2008
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8:21 am - Good golly, do I loves me some tea
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It's been too long since I've had a really hot, really good cup of regular ol' tea, and I got to do that again last night. I mean, I always had the opportunity, just not the inclination. Mmmm. Peaceful stuff.
I'm also noticing that I have the ability to take off my pants and socks in the same move. The trouble is, I have no idea how I do it. When I wake up the next morning, I find that my socks are still in the pants, as though someone were in them right then. Most people would take off their socks, then take off their pants, abut apparently, I've mastered an art that stays only in my subconscious, because if I try to do it on purpose, I have no idea how to make it happen. It's just a surprise that happens when I'm not paying attention. TMI? A-OK.
PC gaming is pretty much dead, I've noticed. Not testing games before you sell them for fifty bucks really is a kick in the crotch. There's also the annoying habit these days of having menus take forever to come up and react to entries, because slow transitions are cool. Today's annoying-as-hell thing is that you can't play GTA 4 if you don't have an internet connection. Woulda been nice to mention this on the box. Like that other game I won't mention that you pay the fifty for and only get to install three times. Hey gaming industry, if you want to stop losing customers to hacked versions of games, maybe you should allow us to save games to our hard drive instead of an online fucking database, or at least stop cluttering up the My Documents folder with user files after we SPECIFICALLY FUCKING DESIGNATE ANOTHER INSTALL PATH.
I'm angry now. I will soothe it with Dido.
Has anybody else noticed that her new album is extremely laid back, and lacks any of the passion of her earlier work? I think she's focusing on songs that are easy to sing in concert and won't require her to strain herself if she's on the road for six months. Looking at the abortion that her live album was, I'm willing to go ahead and pat her on the back and give her my support on this one. She has officially Sarah McLachlaned herself. Well, the first part of the McLachlanation process. She'll get lazy, and then she'll completely lose track of the flow of a good song and get obnoxiously self-indulgent. Baby, we love you, stop trying to add to something that already works beautifully and isn't stressful on you. Anybody remember Dirty Little Secret, and what a wonderful little song it could have been? I sigh.
But it seems that ol' Dider has now reached the point that she's reaping the consequences of the live-by-the-feeling lifestyle that characterized her first album. She was strong, she was passionate, she meant what she said and considered each emotion to be a divine truth, and in the subsequent Life For Rent (no, I'm not going to punctuate that), she seemed to be beginning to realize that maybe, at her age, she should have had some more accomplishments in her love life, instead of being passed around like a cigarette between fifth graders behind Taylor's house. Now, we have this, on her latest album:
Track 1: Song about being afraid to love
Track 2: Song about a failed relationship
Track 3: Song about being afraid to love
Track 4: Song about a failed relationship
Track 5: Song about not feeling anything for the relationship you're in
Sensing a theme?
I want to send this album to somebody, but I know for a fact that she wouldn't understand.
Hey, does anybody else hate the way IE now puts a little view-tube on every link and gives you a preview of where it goes, whether you want it to or not?
I have links. They are seriously, seriously worth the watch.
What, son?
Put the snacks in the bag, and I'm ghost like Swayze!
Seriously, all these lists are awesome and adorable.
The obligatory gamer-oriented link that I won't expect anybody to follow. Warning, the first one is a little gratuitous, but bear with it. Yes, Felicia Day is in everything these days. World of Warcraft players should look up The Guild. I won't link it, because it's not my thang. This blog is about things that are Dave's thang.
Freaking hilarious series of videos. Go through the whole series if you have the time.
This'n, too.
Few things have ever made me bust up laughing (especially a forum) quite like this did.
Maybe I was just in a good mood at the time, but I got a huge kick out of this. I don't even know why Plaxico Burress was in the news (I don't keep up), but it got really funny halfway through for me.
And of course, you're a bad person if you haven't seen Doctor Horrible.
Today's big love goes to Jamie, even though she doesn't wanna talk to me no' mo'. I still loves you, babe.
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| Friday, November 21st, 2008
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6:22 pm - A simple explanation, followed by some tired arguments
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Behold as I join the whining masses.
A war starts in an oil-rich and politically volatile area. Prices naturally increase, driving investors to the commodity. This again drives prices up, and it keeps going until gas is five bucks a gallon in the US, and several times worse in other places of the world. Commuters lose disposable income and with prices rising quickly (but hey, the economy is doing great! Just look at the payoffs on those gas investments! :D ), are less confident in their future ability to afford anything else. Spending therefore decreases disproportionately to the rising of gas prices. Fewer loans are taken out, which leaves the banks with the need to raise existing rates in order to cover their costs and keep their own investors happy, which makes more people less able to afford their daily financial indulgences. The cycle continues until it hits critical mass, and the banks become entirely unable to operate. Reports come in of people who were given eviction notices and have still been living there for over a year because the banks don't even have the money to pay somebody to tell the police to go over there and kick those people out. Jobs are cut in all areas of the economy as a result of fewer purchases made, resulting in less spending cash, resulting in yet fewer purchases made.
Yep. Chevron gas is under two bucks in Sacramento now. GW is putting gas prices right back where he found them, and all it took was a total collapse of the US economy over a war that we were drawn into. No, seriously, it was because their operatives attacked us on 9/11
because there was a link between Bin Laden and Saddam that we somehow misplaced
because they had weapons of mass destruction
because it's our job to spread democracy via a president who was not democratically elected with a war nobody voted on.
Yes, it's our job. Even if it means leaving ourselves without the national manpower to deal with an immense hurricane that knocks the shit out of our country. After all, we have experience in dealing with hurricanes without the ability to send our military in to help because they're in Iraq.
While I'm here though, lemme see bitch some more, by proxy. It's an old enough and repeated enough argument that it fits this post. That's right. I don't complain about things that are still cool to complain about. I wait until they're right between hip and retro.
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| Thursday, November 20th, 2008
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6:38 pm - Okay, real quick
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Shorties.
Is there actually a good male vocalist out there these days? I can't think of any. Country music is just about the only genre out there that has any singing anymore, and since I don't really listen to country, I'm not exposed to any real talent.
To err is human.
To arr is pirate.
If you've ever been robbed while wearing white ear buds, you were asking for it.
The state of California is about to experience a 5% decline in paying its employees, but at least we'll get an extra day off a month. I'm the only one who doesn't mind. I'm naturally prosperous.
My LJ was violated by someone who apparently had a lot of free time on her hands. After her surgery, she'll have even more. Eeek. I didn't even have time to put up the drapes.
I have apparently talked my Ash off. This makes me sad.
My first wife needs some love. I have much of it. She needs to come get it. I am full of hugs that I haven't had the chance to give away yet.
Fallout 3 is a very hard game to finish. Going around and doing every quest just gets tiresome if you hit maximum level halfway through (which, in the game, you do).
It is also the only game in which I hear my henchman start fighting, and I keep doing whatever it was I was doing. "He can handle it" is not something I found myself saying often in Neverwinter Nights or KOTOR.
Gmail, your new themes are full of win.
I'm doing this for Cassie:
[Comment, then post in your own journal.
If you saw me in a police car, what would you assume I got arrested for? ]
Go on, answer it.
The mandatory cop-op function of Red Alert 3 is much less annoying now. It still shouldn't be mandatory, but it's good to not have to worry about every little thing across the map all the time.
Tonight's big love goes to all the fat girls out there. Be big. Be beautiful. Davey loves you.
Sit back down, pregnant girls. You don't count this time.
current mood:  rushed
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, November 12th, 2008
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3:11 pm - ...until it's over.
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And it's not over.
One thing is over. Anybody who is really familiar with the situation and who really doesn't have an ounce of sympathy would find this situation absolutely hilarious, and, as luck would have it, I'm that person. That's right, I have no sympathy for myself, because I shed that annoying hang-up long ago. Few things aggravate me like people having sympathy for me (I'll gladly accept "Well, that sucks" on occasion, and little else), and because I do have much sympathy for other people (your pain is yummy for me, I loves me some cinnamon and pain toast om nom nom), the only chance I get to truly laugh at a circumstance regardless of the emotional dismemberment is when it's me who's coming to some very grim conclusions about what life holds in store from here on out.
Foremost is that the theme of my life thus far is best summed up as "the more things change, the more they stay the same." I meet the same people, they have the same quirks, and though they fill very interesting and divergent roles in my life, I've noticed the same actors behind the veil popping in to play bit parts and speaking roles all over the place. I never would have thought Amber and Angel would be mentioned in the same context, but the similarities are found even within the most complex of personality traits and even our daily interactions. Every redhead I've ever really gotten to know has played almost exactly the same role in my life (except Haley, who plays the Angel/Amber role), though it bears note that Allie is the queen of them, and earns her first-wife status. I have a list of Lost Lenores, full of opportunities to take what I want and enjoy the more valuable and basic spoils of my pursuits, whom I left behind and turned away because I would have had to sacrifice my honor to do so.
But the threes, the patterns that keep rising to the top, are what let me know that even my outside perspective on the behavior of humankind won't be enough to get me what I need to make it to the next step of personal satisfaction.
When I was much younger, my mother did a Tarot reading for her. She had me commune with the cards, you know, so they'll catch the essence and read for me, and all she drew, that whole session, were indications of three women. Sure, I was hoping mother, wife, daughter, that would be fine with me. Turns out things were going to come true in a different and certainly less traditional way.
Mom's cards weren't making a whole lot of sense after that. I don't remember whether she got rid of those, but the next few readings for other people were completely wacky. I might have broken her deck, which is why I don't let people do readings for me anymore. It'd be rude.
So now, I'm able to see the transitions of the last little mini-era of my life for the circles they were. I did the walk, had my fun, and this time, nothing's changed. I'm just waiting for the last trails to die off and the last traces to be wiped clean by the little storm that's being kicked up at work by the usual suspects.
Perhaps it's time to force a change. I think I'll start putting out resumes for a promotion. Might as well milk the forces of motion for all they're worth, before they peter out completely.
Today's big love goes to Eva, my beloved Canadian wife, and her beloved Canadian Canadian. I don't care who you are, I have slaughtered more digitized Chinese soldiers with her than I have with you (unless you're Dylan, and if you are Dylan, you shouldn't be reading my blog). Whoever else you are, chances are, Eva is hotter than you, too. She's got it like kaboom. KABOOM, I SAY.
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| Wednesday, October 29th, 2008
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8:48 am - Ooo, got it
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Fallout 3 yesterday + Red Alert 3 today = a good reason to have everybody stop talking to me
I actually wouldn't have been very good company beyond yesterday anyway. It might seem depressing, but it works out for everybody. I am still waiting for the "kapow" thing to hit like it normally does, but I think this might just be an interlude before moving on to act 2.
Either way, I wanted to say that Fallout 3 is definitely not really Fallout 3. It's a post-apocalyptic role-playing game set in the Fallout universe, yes, but nothing based on Half-Life's engine is ever going to be a spiritual successor to the holiest of titles. Especially if the darker, self-aware humor is gone. They seem to have gotten Ron Perlman to do the intro, but he sounds so different, and doesn't keep the same tone. It's just not Fallout.
Still, I paid fifty bucks for it, and dammit, I'm going to try to prove myself wrong by going further into the game. First-person shooters do eventually make me nauseous, which is why I'm about to stop posting and go get an easier-on-the-stomach game to play in the admidstwhile.
Real quick, I wanted to send a shout out to my new word "circumbobulated." It pretty much means what you think it means, particularly if you think it means nothing.
Also, I hate the term "blackface." Hated it from back in drama class, and after seeing somebody talk about Tropic Thunder, I hate it just as much. Does it have that want-to-smack-the-person-who-said-it quality for anybody else?
Today's big love goes out to Jamie and her awesome Tarot Deck. She's the only person I know whose nickname is also a learning disability (albeit a very sexy one). Those of you familiar with the Brannigan dictionary will know what I mean.
current mood:  excited
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| Saturday, October 11th, 2008
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12:08 am - Brilliance
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| Friday, October 3rd, 2008
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10:51 pm - I'm out.
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I'm at Disneyland, which is why I'm ignoring you. I should be back on Wednesday.
The Magic Kingdom > You
(except those people who know otherwise)
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enthralled